On a recent horseback ride through vineyards in Zillah, Wash., apparently, we weren't the only ones tasting juice.

And then the horse said ...

Watching an Urban mount me is a funny thing. Inescapably, one of these city slickers, and believe me there's always one, kicks one foot into the stirrup, immediately loses his balance and bops and bounces, like his foot's on fire, trying to save face and not end up on his hind parts. Eventually, when all the butts are in the saddles, reins are in hands and the brake has been tested - "Whooaa, hey, stop, stop!" - we giddy-up.

And let's face it, anytime there's a thousand pounds of raw muscle, power and grace between your legs, it might make you a little thirsty. More importantly, it makes us thirsty haulin' you good-smellin', west-siders around on our backs. So it should come as no surprise that sometimes we hit the bottle. Sometimes it's to keep our sanity, and sometimes we just hit it. It's easier than trying to pour it with our hooves.

Look I'm no Mr. Ed, but what they don't know is we've got the M.O. on the X.X.O, down-low.

That's code for "Pour me a glass, I eat grass, all I see is ass ... when I walk." Now grab your own glass and move out, and I'll give you a little wine whisper from a horse.

After eight seconds of riding, we come upon Sheridan Vineyard, our first watering hole. Ruby-red brilliance greets us in the heart of this glass of 2005 Sheridan L'Orage. This wine doesn't look a gift horse in the mouth, but rather soaks in the darkness of blueberry and currant. It's dreamy and creamy with marinated vanilla and traces of dark chocolate. The wine is like me, a self-expression of power, elegance and complexity. Speak your mind, but ride a fast horse. Now that's what I'm talkin' about!

Then we mosey up to the next tasting barn, and low and behold, it's a far cry from Brokeback Mountain, but the brothers at Two Mountain Winery aren't exactly hard on the eyes. The Two Mountain 2007 Riesling is off-dry and styled down the straight and narrow. It's a high-falutin' cowboy tootin' mouthfull of crowd pleaser with its wet sweetness or sweet wetness, depending on which of your three legs you're standing on. Soft and sipable with all the "P" fruits revealed: pear, peach and pummelo - with a long glow of apricot and light honey.

And if that's not enough, the boys make a silky Two Mountain 2004 Syrah. Elegant to the touch, this deep, shadowy liquid tastes of tobacco and dark cherry. It's a peppery potion of ripened black fruit and heavenly plum. A sprinkle of jitterbug on the sides of your tongue leaves you chomping at the bit for more.

Back in the saddle, did I hear someone say bicycle shorts? The common misstep is believing that anyone can ride a majestic creature such as me. No, it's not like getting back on a bike, and there's a reason for that.

A little more trail trottin', and we come upon the winery where Wineglass Cellars 2006 Chardonnay is being poured. No oak found in them there parts; this is crisp and unbreakable.

It's a winsome wine that springs to life with pineapple and pear and has a horse's sense about it - compliment or insult, who can tell? The finish is peachy tart with a blast of Bit O Honey. Ain't it so, word up.

So we keep on keeping on, round the bend and drop into another tasting hole for a glass of Chistopher Cellars 2003 Red Wine. This wine has a long nose - or maybe I'm mistaking it for mine - full of red raspberries and wild cherries. With a voluptuous tinge of sugar plum on the tip, this wine screams, "Well come on baby, let's wrestle!" Wound together with a satin ribbon of cola and coffee, this is the wine that can lead a horse to water but can't make him stop rolling in it.

And conveniently located three-hands down the bar is the 2005 Coltura Red Wine, a blend of Cabernet Franc and Merlot. This wine is a slow-low talker that doesn't say much in that cowboy sorta way. It's unassuming with bright cherry and red fruit. A little hiss gives way to a relative balance of acid and earth, though the earth's not moving under my feet, and maybe that's a good thing. Truth be told, this wine is a little more hat than it is horse, but its rope is long, and you know what they say about a long rope.

And no day on the prairie is complete without a glass of Agate Field 2005 Dancing Cowboy Red. It bursts with blueberry and dark cherry with a little yippy yi oh, yippie yi yay. It unfolds in a rhythm of oak, soft tannins and a little two-step to boot with dark fruit and juiciness shining through the finish.

When they say drinking and driving is a bad idea, well, drinking and riding can be, too. Just don't go rollin' under our feet and blamin' us for getting kicked. If you lie in the street, do you blame the car? And on that note, may your face be long and the horse be with you.

Epilogue: Early on, I was inspired by reruns of The Adventures of Spin and Marty on the original Mickey Mouse Club. I was 5 and really just wanted to kiss Spin and Marty, but that's when I knew there's somethin' about cowboys. This column resulted from an organized ride on undeniably one of the coldest weekends in our state's history. Many thanks to the friendly, four-leggeds: Chuck 'the kicker', Lady 'the catwalker', Butch, Grandma, Dunny and the mules for not bucking us off, even though it was so tempting. Thanks to Cherry Wood Bed, Breakfast and Barn for coordinating the ride with real cowboys Paul, Tyson and Tom and cowgirl Jessica of Chinook Pass Outfitters.